The world of kink and alternative fetishes is an exciting one, and there are tons of inspirational tips available across the internet on real fetish dating sites. It’s great to be adventurous and imaginative with what you and your partner decide to indulge yourselves with. You shouldn’t have to feel limited to what the media presents to you as acceptable levels of kink. The very idea of it is laughable. So you can be adventurous and imaginative. Don’t just have her dress in leather and slap you around. Have her do it while you’re suspended in mid-air and totally at her mercy. Don’t just have her pretend to be a puppy by barking a bit and wiggling her ass. Buy her that collar and bowl. Go nuts. Both of you look at real fetish dating sites, and pick out some new playmates to invite to your place.
That being said, adventure and imagination is one thing, but safety has to always play a part in any kink situation. The motto of any kinkster is safe, sane, and consensual. Without that motto, you’re nothing more than a pair of idiot teenagers playing with candlewax at best, and at worse… Well, at worse, you start going into the dark or getting sexually abusive. It’s both of your responsibilities to take precautions so neither of you becomes emotionally or physically compromised during a scenario. It’s also your responsibilities to work out the issues that might have resulted from a scenario that took a turn for the worse.
An Ounce of Prevention Is Worth a Pound of Cure
That planned escape route you should always have includes those magic kinky words- safewords. They’re the absolute most basic part of kink safety, and for good reason. For any of you innocents who’ve happened to stumble in and aren’t familiar with the concept (we’re not here to judge, man), safewords are just words or phrases that are pre-discussed by the participants in a kink session.When uttered, they signal to the person in control that the other person needs a break or wants to stop. The safewords themselves can get really into the realm of the bizarre: tiddlywinks, periwinkle, grapefruit, or Ben Franklin to name a few. That complete irrelevance to the situation at hand helps to establish the importance of the word.It also lets you or your partner say “no,” “stop it,” and “ouch my tits” as much as you want when roleplaying.(Only use that safeword when you really, really mean, “No, stop that, my tits really do hurt.”)
Feel free to make your safeword whatever you want, but always, always discuss it with your partner and confirm it before the session. And don’t make it too weird, either. The last thing you want is not being able to get the whole phrase “one-eyed one-armed flying purple people eater” out when all the blood’s rushing to your head while being suspended upside-down, or even worse, only realizing after the fact that your partner was too emotionally distressed to remember the whole damn phrase.
Repairing Things after Disaster Strikes
No amount of prevention can stop the truly unexpected things. For example, during that session of rough play, you decide to throw her onto a table to better fuck the sass out of her. Well, it just so happens that the table wasn’t up to it, and it collapses under her, splintering to bits and giving her nasty lacerations all over her arms and back.
You spring into action, bundling her into the car with a warm blanket to cover her up, and haul ass to the emergency room for stitches. That’s all well and good. But as you might expect, she’s probably a bit shaken up by the whole experience, and might not even want to get on a real fetish dating site. The next time you tell her you want to try out a session of rough play, all that flashes through her mind is the giant chunks of wooden splinters stuck in her arms and the humiliation of being carried into the E.R. buck ass naked. This is a normal human response to a situation like that, and whining like an asshole and telling her that her feelings aren’t valid is only going to hurt her more. And it’ll only hurt your relationship more, too.
The best way to move past a Table Incident is to sympathize and offer her a part in working past it. Don’t let the incident become an elephant in the room. Discuss your feelings with her. You may want to just apologize over and over, but she probably doesn’t really blame you (though she’d probably love to slap whoever made that fucking table), and your distress will only make her feel worse. Cracking jokes about it only works if you know she has a good sense of humor about that kind of thing. The best thing to do is to talk about what happened and what she wants to do next. Does she want to keep trying rough situations like that? Does she want to keep trying tables, or try something else? Don’t just buy a new table while she’s at work. Involve her in buying a new one or in helping you repair the old one. If she’s iffy on tables from then on, try striking them from your bedroom repertoire for the time being and use more comforting things like couches or, inarguably the sturdiest piece of furniture in the room, the floor.
You can take some ideas from one of the top websites on the internet. Read the best fetish dating reviews to find out the best sites. These sites can provide you some insights on moving past any unfortunate incident. Physical mishaps are painful, but heal with time and bandages. What can be worse and far more damaging is mismanaging a kink situation where emotions run high. For example, if you’re roleplaying a non-consensual sex scenario. Safewords are supposed to prevent disaster here, but what if she gets so stressed that she can’t get words out anymore, and in the heat of the moment, you misinterpret her body language as just being part of the roleplay? This kind of thing can not only damage relationships, but can really damage you and your partner personally, even if your relationship doesn’t end.
This is where the importance of aftercare comes in. This is the time set aside after any kink scenario for partners to talk, cuddle, and just generally return to the real world. It’s critical discussion time to talk about what you did and didn’t like about the session, and is the time to help soothe a partner who’s gotten stressed out during a scenario. However, if the events of the session have really gotten to you or your partner, you may need to seek professional assistance to repair things. Just like you brought her to the emergency room for the bits of table in her arms, you would bring her to a therapist to help talk about the feelings she’s experiencing. Don’t try to force her into it if she wants to deal with her feelings on her own or with you alone, but let her know that it’s an option. Make sure you do your research to pick one that’s legit and won’t try kink-shaming either of you. That’s the last thing either of you need right now, and isn’t what you should expect from a medical professional.